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Luna Lovegood Luna Lovegood

and the Watch of Doom and the Watch of Doom

Page 24

by

James E. Pettis

Chapter Three

Familiar Preparations

Along the wall nearest the sun dial, a large chunk of stone had fallen away from the base of a crenel.  This had left a large, partially sheltered cavity, and it was within this space that the ravens had made their home.  The nest was a haphazard-seeming collection of twigs and other material.  Upon it lay a surprisingly large, coal-black bird with dark-brown eyes.  It stared at them vigilantly, cawing loudly and ruffling its wings in agitation.6

Motioning her to stillness, Xenophilius carefully and slowly moved his head about, searching the skies.  He was looking for the raven’s mate, Luna realized, and noticed his wand ready in his hand.  Having satisfied himself, he slowly pulled a sausage from his pocket with his free hand.  This he tossed carefully onto the floor just below the nest.  The bird, startled, rose to its feet and flapped its wings in alarm for a moment.  It quickly resettled, continuing the warning caws.

Please leave a critical comment!
Some of my concerns:
  • Can you “see” the raven and its nest?

Luna was biting her lip in anticipation.  After a while, the offering began to distract the bird.  It started dividing its attention between them and the sausage, and the deep-throated caws grew farther and farther apart.  Finally, with a graceless hop it sprang from the nest to the floor beside the morsel, eyeing them suspiciously.

“Eggs!” exclaimed Luna in excitement.

From behind, another raven swooped down on her, brushing her head with its wings as it passed, cawing angrily.  “Downstairs!” ordered her father, as he pulled the second sausage from his pocket and tossed it wildly up into the air.  The second raven was making another pass, aiming straight for Luna.  Giving his wand a very particular flick in the attacking bird’s direction, Xenophilius carefully pronounced, “Wingardium Leviosa.”  Luna saw the raven float awkwardly skyward just before drawing her head below the trap door.  In a moment, her father hastily followed.  “Well, that was a near thing!” he exclaimed with a note of satisfaction.  “We can return tonight while they’re sleeping and choose an egg.  Did you see how many there were?”

Please leave a critical comment!
Some of my concerns:
  • Do I use caw too much in this section, or does the repetition reinforce the loud, continual cawing?
  • Do you think Xenophilius used an appropriate spell (considering his nutty personality?)  To clarify:  he used a spell that makes something float against an animal that can fly.
  • Is it clear that the last sentence refers to the eggs and not the ravens?
If you would like a response to your comments or have questions, please e-mail your questions or comments to me at the address email@life-after-harry-potter.com.
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